As I am another year older, I guess this is appropriate to talk about… =P
Growing pains… you’d think this will all be done once you’re an adult. Wrong wrong wrong… I’m sure people still go through it into their adulthood. And if you ask my elderly patients, they would say it especially follows you after you hit 50. Eep!
For people like me, I guess for what now is considered at the “prime” of my life, growing pains is probably more emotional than physical… though a few can argue the latter can still apply =P.
In any case, a few weeks ago I decided to do some soul searching… to grow more. And I’m pretty sure i’ve only gotten to the surface of it… and it already hurts. =(… I’ve always known I was pretty sensitive to things around me. Call it “insightful” … hehe… maybe… but I guess I didn’t really know to what extent until recently. So I think in order to “find” myself, I’ve been reaching out to old friends. And most have been such a blessing, most have been fun, and some have been… eye opening to say the least.
I think through talking with old friends and old “friends”, I realized how there’s this one glaring aspect of my life that I haven’t grown in… seeking approval from those who are no longer my friends and those who continually make me doubt my own self-esteem/self worth. I’ve always been amazed at people who can just let someone go. People who don’t care what others think… because though I put up a front about not caring, I know deep down, I care whether or not these people like me… even if it’s been proven again and again that they really don’t care about my feelings. I guess that’s where the “pain” in growing pains come from. Learning to let go of the past. No matter how great of a friend they were in the past, what do you do when they just continually disappoint you in the present? How do you let them go and just not be bothered about what they do when it almost seems intentional? Ah, such are growing pains I guess.
My old youth pastor has told me before I was insightful… and my spidey senses tell me that there are old friends that I just have to let go… no matter how painful. Because though I would like to hang on to the good times in the past, I just know that holding on would most likely bring my self-worth down completely.
Man… two serious posts in a row! What is going on in this world?!?! =P. God has been so good to me and blessing me with the most understanding husband, the best of friends, and the best family to support me in these “growing pains.” Most of them don’t know, but they have been the reason that I’m not going into deep depression as I go through this whole soul-searching thing. So thanks guys! These days, I’m learning not to take you guys for granted… and that’s the part of growing that I have no problem with =) <3!
